Exactly one hour ago, my iPhone popped up the nightly reminder I set a while back named “Take Hormone Pill.” When it pops up, sometimes I’m really good and I drop everything I’m doing (if I’m home) and sometimes I snooze the reminder for an hour.

But when I’m good here’s what I do: I walk myself over to the kitchen, I grab a white bottle that lives on my kitchen counter filled up with what looks like a cotton ball, and shake out a white (super tiny) round pill. Then I walk myself over to my nightstand, grab a flat-shaped box, and pop into the palm of my hand a white (kinda tiny) oval pill.

Why I keep them in two different spots? I’m still trying to figure that one out.

The little round pill is supposed to keep my estrogen regulated; I guess my body was producing too much of it, and it formed a tumor inside of my body — specifically in my left breast.

I’ve always said I’m either “all in” or “all out” — so, if I’m going to have hormones, might as well be all in.

The oval pill is supposed to help reduce my chance of recurrence which, according to my new oncologist Dr. Hu, is “pretty high.”

Like I said, ALL in.

Anyway, I’ve tried to start this blog before . . .

Once, before cancer and once shortly after my diagnosis. Funny enough, I talked myself out of it the first time because I wasn’t sure what to say; I wasn’t sure if I was even living a life worth writing about.

The second time (after my diagnosis), I didn’t know if I needed to write about living or if I needed to write about dying so I wrote about something that felt like nothing, so I stepped away. Looking back, I can see why it felt like vacant words pushed against an earless world, because I was still in a fog.

I found myself living somewhere in between . . .

But now, almost two years after the “you have cancer” phone call that changed my life forever, I find myself attempting this blog for the third time.

Will I do it this time and hit publish? Yes.

Life isn’t the same anymore and since my first and second attempt, something has changed. I walk confidently knowing I’m no longer living somewhere in the “in between”…

I walk in God’s truth for my life and walk in it confidently knowing this:

I do have a life worth writing about and I will not be writing about dying because I feel more alive than ever.

So, why the PinkPlot?

Mostly because one night I stayed up way too late clicking the ‘delete’ button as I tried to think of a name for this thing. But now that I’m coming back to it, it’s because every moment of my life comes with a plot twist — the good kind.

Some of it just happens to be written with an imaginary *very sparkly* pink pen.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Love,
NZ